12 Years After Depression

I added footnotes from my present perspective to a ZINE I started 12 years ago, and I wrote about the days that followed.

I fell into depression. I was 28, living alone, working at a design studio. About a year earlier I had moved alone from Tokyo to Kochi. Everything — food, clothing, housing, work, daily life — had been moving in the directions I wanted, and the stress I was aware of had greatly decreased. I was spending calm, enjoyable days, so why did this happen──?

The main text is printed in two colors: blue and brown.
In chapters 1–3 the 12-year-old main text (blue) has footnotes from my current perspective (brown). In chapter 4 I wrote about events that happened after I finished the manuscript 12 years ago (brown).

Includes a reflowable EPUB.
At うたごや we produce accessible ZINEs that let readers choose the way they read. If you buy the print edition of "12 Years After Depression," you can download the reflowable EPUB edition for free.
You can enjoy reading on your e-book reader by adjusting font size and colors.

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Contents
Preface from two years ago

1. Until I was diagnosed with depression
The door of the psychosomatic clinic / I was cured! / From the antlion pit to the abyss
Column: Why I chose that hospital

2. Acute phase — symptoms of depression
Medication and side effects / White flag! I can't eat! / Is there no night without dawn? / Rumination and self-blame / Decline in thinking ability / Various ailments / Zero motivation / Suicidal ideation

3. Recovery phase — course and rehabilitation
Riding the big and small waves / I could hear music, I could read books / What was it — decline in memory / Getting up in the morning, sleeping at night / Let's take a bath / If I could think "I'll try" / Tidying the room / Library outpatient visits / Impatience and not trusting myself / Counseling experiences / Going to meet people I want to see
Column: Words that made me happy · Words that hurt

Afterword from 12 years ago

4. Memoir — the days that followed
The seesaw of returning to work / Hospitalization in a psychiatric ward / Automatic thoughts and cognitive distortions / Depression and freelancing / The absence of an understanding partner / Life 12 years later (in lieu of an afterword)
Column: Money talk